“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peace makers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:17, 18
“Do your children live near you?” This question is important to me since my children live far away—on three continents—and I don’t see them often.
“Yes, they live near me,” he answered sadly. “But I never see them. We’re not speaking to each other.”
But this man is not alone. I find that many a parent’s heart has been broken because a son or a daughter is avoiding them. I hear sad words like these: “My children never call.” “My daughter has time for everyone else but me.”
Can you feel the hurt in those words? Let me pass on what has helped me during a time when my children were estranged from me. Often an estrangement develops during a traumatic time such as a death or a divorce. Raw emotions take time to process. We need to give our children time and space to sort them out.
“If only we could talk,” I’d often think. “Then we’d come to some understanding.” But this may not be the time for talking. When you are in conflict, concentrate on reconciliation rather than resolution. How?
First, we need to realize that no family member can meet our love needs. Only God can do that. That’s why we need to bask in God’s love by feeding on Scripture verses that speak of His love and delight in us (such as Ephesians 3:16-19) When we’re secure in His love, we’ll be able to let go of the you-guys-owe-me feeling and reach out to our children in love.
Pray for each of your children by name with thanksgiving. I often used Scripture as my prayer such as Colossians 1:9-12.
Be a peace maker by reaching out: remember birthdays and other special occasions. Let your children know they’re welcome in your home.
Trust in God’s timing to bring you together again. It may take several years (as it did in my case) but in His time reconciliation comes. We have His promise: “Peace makers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”
By Helen Lescheid
Used by Permission
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