“Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” Psalm 10:1
I sat in my car in the church parking lot, ready to tell God every angry feeling I had toward him. But how could I? Good Christians don’t get mad at God, right? That is what I had believed all my life.
Since childhood, I had followed the rules. I thought I had done everything right. But God had not given me the things I wanted. The night I sat in my car, I was almost 40 years old and still not married. I was in a job I hated. I didn’t like myself. I was miserable.
But God was working in my heart and mind. He was breaking through the self-righteous attitudes that kept me in bondage. For months, he had been chipping away at the wall of perfectionism I had built to protect myself. In reality, that wall only brought loneliness and fear.
Tears flowed and all of the insecurity, frustration and anger I had stuffed down my entire life would not be stuffed any longer. “Why did you make me this way?!?!” I said out loud, “I’m so mad at you! I’ve tried to do everything the right way and I’m so unhappy!”
I’ve never heard an audible voice from God, but at that moment I felt a voice in my spirit say, “Finally! Let’s move on.”
I was confused. “You haven’t answered my question!”
“No,” he said, “But you have finally been honest with me. Now we can get to work.”
Though I didn’t get answers that night, I felt a big weight lift off of my shoulders. It started a season of growth that changed my life.
Psalm 10:1 is just one example of King David having an angry conversation with God. By the end of the psalm, David is praising God for his faithfulness. God can handle our anger, disappointment and frustration. Honesty opens the door to true freedom in our relationships and in our journey with God.
Lord, help me always be honest with myself, others and you, even when it’s ugly.
Anger is often a masking emotion. It usually masks fear, disappointment or any number of other emotions. Regardless, it’s never good to stuff your emotions. If you feel angry, find someone who you can talk to. If you don’t know anyone, find a counselor who can help you sort through your emotions
By Debbie West
Used by Permission